Over Half of Couples Say Screens Are Killing Pillow Talk
Bedtime communication is evolving among couples in the UK, according to a new survey by Mattress Online. Fatigue, screen distractions, and changing routines are among the main reasons cited for reduced meaningful conversations before sleep, with many couples finding it harder to maintain the intimacy of pillow talk.
Almost one-fifth of couples admit to being glued to their phones before sleeping.
Just under one in five Brits (17%) admit to being glued to their phones before sleep, with couples nearly as likely to be watching Reels as they are cuddling. For one in six, bedtime bonding now involves sharing memes rather than meaningful conversation.
Despite this digital distraction, 21% of couples still say talking is their most common pre-sleep habit, making it the leading bedtime routine. Physical affection, including cuddling, kissing, or intimacy, follows closely behind at 18%.
While “sleep divorces” are a growing topic online, they remain rare in practice: only 4% of couples say they regularly sleep at different times or in separate rooms. However, with one in ten going to bed with barely a word exchanged, the emotional distance might be creeping in long before lights out.
| Rank | Which of the following best describes what you and your partner typically do before falling asleep? | Total respondents (%) |
| 1 | Have meaningful conversations/pillow talk | 21% |
| 2 | Share physical affection (e.g. cuddling, kissing or intimacy) | 18% |
| 3= | Watch TV or a show together | 13% |
| 3= | Read separately (books, kindle etc.) | 13% |
| 5 | Go straight to sleep with little to no interaction | 10% |
| 6 | Scroll on your phones separately | 9% |
| 7 | Scroll on your phones together and show each other memes etc. | 8% |
| 8= | Watch TV or a show separately | 4% |
| 8= | Sleep at different times or in separate rooms | 4% |
| 10 | Other | 1% |
Source: Mattress Online
Are we too tired to talk? More than half of couples say pillow talk is fading.
Pillow talk seems to be losing its place in many relationships, with 27% of couples saying their bedtime conversations have faded over time. Fatigue and distractions play a significant role, as 16% admit they’re simply too tired to talk before sleeping.
When asked about meaningful conversations before bed, 44% of couples say they regularly connect, 29% often and 15% significantly. However, a combined 51% reveal they don’t talk at bedtime as much as they used to or hardly at all. More than one in four (27%) acknowledge that their bedtime chats have decreased in line with growing screen time, highlighting a growing bedtime disconnect.
More than one in two couples say screen time has reduced bedtime conversations.
More than half of couples feel that screen time, whether phones, TV, tablets, or other devices, has cut into the amount of talking they do before bed. Specifically, 54% of respondents say screen use has reduced their communication with their partner at bedtime.
Nearly one in five (18%) say screens have significantly decreased how much they talk before sleeping, suggesting that bedtime habits are increasingly dominated by devices rather than dialogue.
Almost one-fifth of Brits admit feeling emotionally disconnected from their partner at bedtime.
A reassuring 81% say they feel at least some emotional connection before sleep: 31% describe feeling very connected, seeing bedtime as a special moment to bond and talk, while 50% feel somewhat connected depending on the day.
However, 18% acknowledge feeling emotionally distant at bedtime, with 5% describing it as little more than co-existing under the same roof.
Jenni Trent Hughes, relationship expert at Mattress Online, shares her thoughts on why pillow talk plays a vital role in emotional connection, intimacy, and overall relationship health.
“One of the strongest aspects of a solid relationship is good communication. It is well known that compatible communication skills are one of the cornerstones of a successful union. Even I have run afoul of disregarding this and learned my lesson the hard way.
“It isn’t vital that you both communicate in the same style, though it does help, but it is important that you both value the importance of sharing.
“This is supposed to be that one special person to whom you can tell just about anything. They are your personal sounding board. Yes, you have your family and friends – but this particular person is your spare set of ears and has your back always – and even when you disagree you are there for each other.
“In a good relationship, you will often find that just telling this special person your problem, in what should be your relationship safe space, provides you with the answer or direction you were struggling to find on your own. Sometimes it is the comfort of a ‘There, there we will deal with this together, I am sorry it is happening but I am here for you’ that is the magic needed. Reassurance from them that this too shall pass and you’re not alone.
“My other half (and this is a new relationship) was saying to me the other night as we lay in bed that us being together is helping him stay more in balance with all the current craziness that the world is going through.
“Pillow talk is the best! Even when the subject is difficult, being able to cuddle up next to your loved one, hold hands or lay your head on their shoulder is ever so helpful. You should never underestimate the power of touch. Laying on a pillow and sharing will forever be the best because you are feeling each other’s energies, you are experiencing the wonders of touch, smell, and hearing. Sometimes pillow talk doesn’t even involve talking and is just about silently being there together”.
Jenni’s top tips on how couples can bring back meaningful conversations before bed and strengthen their bond at the end of the day.
1. Try whenever possible to end the day on a positive note. “What was the best thing that happened to you today?”. “Mine was when I came home after that awful day at work and you gave me the best hug!”
2. A kiss on the shoulder and hold each other’s hand as you fall asleep.
3. Light a candle before you start preparing for bed. Be sure to blow it out before you go to sleep.
4. Play some soothing music when you light the candle, both these things help calm the temperature of the day and lead you into relaxing.
5. Use the function on your phone that turns off all notifications except one or two emergency numbers.
6. Have a small basket on the floor at the bottom of the bed where the phones go. This removes the temptation to just check this/that/the other.
7. No phones for the hour before sleep.
8. Last thing before lights out look into each other’s eyes, count to five slowly – those five seconds can be just what keeps you solid. Surely your relationship is worth it.
For more advice on how to bring back meaningful conversations before bed, visit Mattress Online.
