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Sleep Experts reveal how to get the most out of your sleep divorce

sleep divorce

‘Sleep divorce’ is an ongoing viral trend where couples are choosing to sleep separately at night time, rather than snuggle up together in the same bed. For various reasons such as snoring or fidgeting, sleeping side by side with your partner isn’t always conducive to a good night’s sleep, as nice as sharing a bed might be. Lack of sleep can have a knock-on effect on our mood, which can sometimes lead to us taking it out on our partners, so, a sleep divorce is a means to ensure that both partners get a good night’s rest and therefore an improved mood.

But how can couples ensure that they are getting the most of their sleep divorce, and not letting it drive them further apart? Rhiannon Masters and Gemma Nice have some suggestions…

1. Find your calming colours – individually

Rhiannon Masters says, “A bedroom should be set up for optimal sleep, and this means being a space that feels calm and serene – how this looks will vary from person to person. 

Colour is one of the most important factors, some colours will evoke a sense of calm, whilst others can be more stimulating, which will impact your ability to wind down and get a restful sleep. Everyone will experience colours differently, which is why individual sleep spaces can be more beneficial, as a colour that makes one partner feel relaxed, might make the other feel more awake. Natural hues such as blues, greens, oatmeals and even some dusty shades of pink can be great options for a bedroom, making the space feel soothing.”

2. Consider the senses

Rhiannon Masters continues, “Senses are important when it comes to bedtime and can make or break a good night’s sleep. Again, these will differ from person to person as they are very subjective, one partner might enjoy the whirring of a fan or falling asleep to a podcast, whilst the other might find it highly irritating and prefer to sleep in silence.

In your individual rooms, you should consider your senses individually. What sounds would you like to hear? Do you need a speaker to listen to white noise or a rainfall machine? If you are more susceptible to outside noise, maybe consider negotiating the bedroom that absorbs less of the outside noise.

With scent, consider what smells help you relax, and add these in the form of candles, diffusers, or even pillow sprays. Scents such as lavender and chamomile can help to improve sleep quality.

Touch is a big one, and often the highlight of sharing a bed with your partner. As we know, cuddling has been shown to release oxytocin in the brain, and in turn helps you to feel calm and relieve stress levels. When we are not sharing a bed with our partner, we lose this, and whilst we cannot get the same chemical benefits, we can create the feeling of companionship and cosiness with an L-shaped pillow. Curling up with one of these will create a sense of cuddling, making you feel safe and supported – allowing you to fall into a restful sleep.

Lastly, the sheets touching your skin will have a huge impact on your quality of sleep. When sharing a bed with your partner, one person is always too hot, and the other too cold, one finds the bedding itchy or too slippery on their skin, and it impacts their sleep. Comfort is the key to good sleep, so ensuring you both have bedding that creates your ideal sleep environment is important. For the partner who is always cold, a wool-filled duvet might be a good option to keep them toasty and warm, and for the partner who gets too warm, linen sheets are a great way to keep them cool on a hot night, thanks to linen’s thermoregulating properties.”

3. Talk out any issues from the day, before you go your separate ways

Gemma Nice says, “To ensure you both have a better night’s sleep, I would recommend talking out any difficult conversations which have arisen and remained unresolved throughout the day. Going to sleep on an argument or unresolved conflicts will leave you both in the stress response where your cortisol levels are high, this will then impact your ability to get the all-important deep REM sleep, which is important for memory, learning, mental focus, and mood!

Before you go your separate ways at bedtime, take the time to sit in a calming space with your partner, whether that be one of your bedrooms, or the living room and talk through any conflicts that need to be resolved. You need to both be active listeners and engage in what the other person is saying – doing this will reduce cortisol levels and allow you both to fall into a peaceful slumber once you go to bed.”

4. Share a bath or shower and engage in physical touch

Gemma continues, “Having a bath or shower together allows you both to fall into the parasympathetic nervous system, a calmer state that is important for quality sleep. Taking this time to relax and wind down together will allow your body clock to get in sync with each other, meaning you will be ready to go your separate ways at the same time, which means one person won’t be feeling left alone when the other is ready to sleep.

Following on from your bath or shower, you can then give each other a massage or listen to music together on the bed. Physical touch allows you to feel more connected to your partner and keeps the intimacy of your relationship alive, regardless if this ends in sex or not.”

5. Ask about each other’s day and engage in gratitude together

Lastly, Gemma says, “Sleeping in separate rooms can lead to couples feeling disconnected from one another, so it is important to make time to recoup on your days and connect mentally too. Make it almost ritualistic to sit and ask each other about your days. Start by asking what has been good about their day and then what has been bad. Then once you feel you are up to speed on each other’s day, move on to telling each other what you are grateful about, this could be things from the day, or what the other person has done for you. These types of conversations can lead to a better mental connection, which will allow you to go to sleep feeling calmer and more satisfied.”

Online Sleep Trends: Do they work?

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